Saturday, November 21, 2009

my circle

Hello, cold and lonely, neglected blog. I really do think about updating you. I actually have thoughts and form them into sentences in my mind, usually when I am driving to or home from work. The idea is that I'll type them out sometime after I get the kids to sleep for the night. But, when I get home, I get busy with other things and then normally crash into bed.

I feel like my life is nothing but a tightly wound, annoying circle right now. In the evenings I am dashing here and there to get all the things together for another day. Kids fed and bathed, lunches packed, teeth brushed. 4 pairs of socks... and they ALL have to match? I thought I hated picking out clothes for me to wear each night. Now, I have to do it for 3 other people, and one is becoming more vocal and picky about what she wears....I wrestle them into bed. I crash myself. I normally wake up 2 or 3 times a night. Will my kids ever sleep throughout the night? I wake up and rush through the early morning to get on my way to work just to be late. And I am ALWAYS LATE. Always.

These days at work, I spend most of my time "waiting tables." This is what I call it when we paint, because I spend a lot of time serving each table with water, paint, paper towels, wiping up spills, cleaning out paint brushes, washing mixing trays over the sink, etc.... I ask the kids, "Where's my tip?" They laugh. I do enjoy watching them paint with that zen look of wonder on their faces. We listen to music, they ask for Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift, I oblige. I watch them eat at lunch duty, I tell them to "Sit down, use your inside voice, you should have got ketchup when you went through the line, don't call him that, make a good choice, follow directions, turn around, we don't share food, is that appropriate for school?" Then after teaching what I consider to be an UNGODLY amount of 1st and kindergartners for an UNHOLY amount of time, I go to car rider duty. "You go to 1, You go to 3, You go to 5. You have a good night!"

I come home again in the evening after picking up the kids and I do it all over again. I make the food, I wipe down the table, I pass out the drinks. I get no tip. (Well, I guess I do. I get kisses and hugs.) I say, "Use your inside voice, don't call him that, don't pull her hair, follow directions, are you making a good choice?" I have to change diapers at THIS job, but I get to do it in my pajama pants. (Notice no mention of dishes or laundry. I always have two large mountains of clothes and dishes waiting for me by Saturday morning.)

I am tired, and it takes all the mental energy I have NOT to lose my patience on my kids. It's not their fault I've done it 5 million times in the day with OTHER people's kids. God, Thank you for my family and my job, even though it stresses me out at times. There are millions of Mommy's in the world without babies. There are millions of people in the world without jobs. How blessed am I to have both?


My photo
I have 2 lovely daughters and 2 handsome sons, who keep me very busy and a husband who keeps me grounded. I received my BA in Graphic Design Communication in 2003. A year and a half later after working in corporate America as a graphic designer and living through my OWN REAL LIFE "OFFICE SPACE" I got certified as art teacher. I have been teaching since the fall of 2004.