Tuesday, August 18, 2009

God Speaks

Ella's new questions about God concern His voice. " Does He talk? Why can't I hear Him? What does His voice sound like? What does He say? Why is He so quiet?" It's really hard to give an adequate answer to a 4 year old that doesn't lead to more questions. And, half the time, I still ponder these myself at 31.

Last Saturday I went to a funeral and God spoke to me in a way I had never expected. Which, I should really expect by now because He does it all the time and then laughs at me when I act surprised, I suspect!

My dear friend Judy lost her father, Mr. Danner to Alzheimer's disease last week. At his memorial service, the minister retold several stories he had heard about Mr. Danner; He even spoke a bit about the illness that finally overcame him.

One of the scriptures read was Isaiah 46:3-5. It says:

3. Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.
4 Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

This promise held true for Judy's dad. Even in old age and illness, he was carried and sustained by his Maker. The promise is for me too but I was also reminded that God's Word holds a promise for someone else, my children.

Since Ella was born, I have become somewhat obsessed about controlling her surrounding environment. I must admit that my obsession was born more out of a fear of accidentally hurting something so new and precious. I worried about scaring her brand new little body.(Almost like being afraid of scratching a new car, as sad as that sounds!)With each child, my fear has multiplied and deepened. It's not just a fear of physical pain or scarring that keeps me awake at night, I fear that something will happen to my child that I won't be able to comfort them through. I have really gotten past the idea of them being hurt, for it is inevitable in life. It's going to happen. The big fear recently is that I won't be the Mother they need me to be to help them survive the experience and be ok.

Isaiah reminds me that it is not solely my job. (Whew! What a relief!)

Yes, I am their mother and I can offer comfort better than most, but God is their True Comforter and Protector and He Carries His Children. He will carry Me and I will try to carry them with my Father's help.

Now my prayer is that God helps me lead them in the right direction, to expose and explain to them who their maker, comforter and protector is. Even if it means I can't explain the sound of God's voice or why He speaks so softly. I do, however, know He speaks. I told Ella so.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Questions about my boy.

Finn is growing. A lot. Not only is he developing physically,(he's a little less than 8 lbs. behind Ainslie and crawling and pulling up on everything!) he's growing emotionally too. I can tell because he is displaying somewhat of a temper about being able to grab and manipulate things as well as a developing sense of humor... For instance, he's grabbing and pounding on my laptop keyboard right now and when I try to stop him, he yells at me. If he's able to get away with it, he laughs. Oh boy!

I have been somewhat weepy about this situation with my son. It may be the fact Finn is getting bigger combined with the fact that my oldest is going to Pre-school this year. I'm not sure. I'm excited for her as she grows and learns,and in my heart I know Ella and Ainslie will always in some way be my babies. But, will Finn?

I was never raised around boys and all I see of mother/son relationships are those with grown adult men and their Mommas. What I notice is: the ones I know DON'T really hug or kiss their Mommas,( or not enough to my liking anyway.) With this thought in the back of my mind, I (almost over indulgently) kiss and love on Finn a million times a day

What if this is all I get? When do boys stop showing affection to their Mommas? When do they start being embarrassed of them? When will I pull away from kissing my son's cheek to find a disgusted eye-roll where a huge grin used to be? Am I one of THOSE mother's who ruin their son's romantic relationships because I feel like I should be the #1 woman in their son's life? MAYBE!


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I have 2 lovely daughters and 2 handsome sons, who keep me very busy and a husband who keeps me grounded. I received my BA in Graphic Design Communication in 2003. A year and a half later after working in corporate America as a graphic designer and living through my OWN REAL LIFE "OFFICE SPACE" I got certified as art teacher. I have been teaching since the fall of 2004.